I’m not entirely sure what I want to talk about today. The lack of recent episodes should have me foaming with half-baked ideas about everything trivial, but here I am without a topic. There’s an absolute certainty that I want to engage with you, readers, but with a severe lack of direction it’s hard not to procrastinate so that’s what I’ll talk about until an idea comes to mind. Is there a job out there that allows me to do such a thing? I’ve been a student and it sucked, let’s not suggest that again. I’ve finally paid off the loan that came with 4 years of not even really drinking or fucking for that matter, so in that respect I have learned to spend my government’s money a bit better. But hey, I wrote a lot of essays and met some people that are both fantastic and in the same stroke barely in my life anymore. Shout-out, class of ’12, I barely tried! I now realise I’m going out of my way to write an essay. Fuck that AMA referencing though, this is Wired Shut Blog, damn it, and we’re as academic as we are diverse.
To those of you who don’t know anything genuine about me, I’m turning 30 this year and with that milestone comes the feeling that I’m dragging myself down with an increasing lack of satisfaction in life. The difficulty with happiness is that you often take it for granted. To live one day at a time with joy and indulgence and simply doing what makes you feel good. Goals are dopamine goldmines, hard work should be satisfaction in itself – do something, make something, fix something, get that hit. Now that I put this to paper, this may actually be conditioning of a social construct...My bootstraps long to have me pull myself up with or something… all I can say is don’t weigh yourself down with that milestone like I’ve done. There’s far more to do than what you think you should do. How’s that for inspiring? Is it meaningful? Sure. Does it mean anything? Doesn’t matter, I have a website.
Safe to say, we’ve all experienced some form of self-doubt, of self-loathing, of not feeling as if you’ve caught a break when you’ve worked hard, or conversely by not catching a break that you don’t deserve satisfaction that you haven’t worked nearly as hard as everyone else. Which path to take, which life to live today? Surely it’s time to specialize. Look at the people around you, twice your age that you’re already three steps ahead of. How good does that feel? Does that make them feel cheated? Or do they measure themselves by a different standard? They might be younger than you and three steps ahead, at least by your measurements. They might own a home, be in a loving relationship, earning six figures, travelling the world. Maybe they’re managing to do all of those things at the same time. To compare yourself to anyone quickly becomes a damaging practice that requires constant work to manage without losing your fucking mind over. You see what someone else has done and want that for yourself, that’s how you know goals are attainable, right?
When it comes to your own life, it’s got to be only yours. Find that balance between selfishness and enjoying the successes, carrying the losses and toast the ideas of those closest to you because you’ve got to have more of a common ground, a convergence of living, than simply comradery, hobbies or habits. Remember, your friends lives are yours to share in too. Take them, celebrate them, own them and champion them. They’re likely to do the same. Internalizing your successes and pining for some aspect what brought you that happiness yourself. That is to say don’t live through anyone else. Live them adjacently. The world is a massive place so find your place in it. Chances are it won’t be with the people you grew up with, or with the people that raised you. Maybe it is, though, and that’s okay. Find your tribe. It’s what we’ve evolved to do and the shackles of a day-job grind is not your tribe. That’s the war. Don’t let the place that employs you define you. Go online and find the deepest, most fringe subset of your persona expressed in a group activity. “There are dozens of us!” you’ll hear them scream. “You’ve joined a sex cult!” your detractors will bemoan. Ideally you’ll find yourself in a position to fuck them both for such statements. And isn’t that why we’re really here?
More to come, but for now wire me shut and pour me something dirty, your host is turning 30.
- Jesse
